Is being the mother of a teenager hard?
Like, how hard is it?
When I used to tell older parents that I had 4 girls they used to say, “poor you, or you don’t know yet.” When my children were young, I thought these people were vile, rude, nutters…..how could they say such terrible things about my precious, intelligent, adorable daughters? The truth is they knew stuff…..stuff I did not know. Stuff you can’t know until you are “living it” because being a parent of a teenage girl is the definition of a lived experience.
I am not a mother of boys so I don’t know if it is hard, but from talking to other mothers, I have been told it’s hard in different ways. Now let’s be fair to our teens, growing up in this time period, this sliver of time, it’s not easy. Social media and all the pressures of the modern world, climate change, it’s almost too much for modern teenagers to survive, little alone thrive.
What I wonder is how do we, the parents of teenagers, survive this challenging time?
How do we focus our minds, energy and hearts so we can be better parents?
I believe in the power of reflection for learning and growth. Reflecting on our experiences, who we are and how we want to “show up” for our kids can help to inform our practice. Let’s start with our first teacher, our own mother or mother figure. If you didn’t have a mother or mother figure I encourage you to select a caring adult who you admired. This exercise can be applied to all parents really.
What was your mother like? Use descriptor words to describe her.
What did she do that was good? What did she do that was not good?
What was your mother like during your teen years? (use descriptor words)
Do you have a positive memory of your own mother? What is it? How does that memory make you feel?
What do you want to take from your mother into your life with your teenager?-
What do you not want to take from your mother into your life with your teenager?
Nobody had a perfect mother, my observation is, most mothers (or parents) are flawed humans trying to do their best. I believe, if you can intentionally decide how you want to show up for your teenager, it helps you to parent your child in a way you can feel good about. If you can reflect on how you felt as a teenager it might provide a glimmer of understanding to how your teenager might be feeling.
Parenting is hard. Accept it. Now what are you going to do to survive it?
