Personal Time: When You’re the Priority (And Not Just Your To-Do List)
Raise your hand if your personal time consists of “accidentally” scrolling through Instagram in the bathroom for 20 minutes because it’s the only quiet place in the house. (No shame, everyone knows the bathroom is society’s last sacred alone space.)
If you’re like most people I see in therapy, you’re running on fumes, emotionally multitasking like a pro, and putting yourself dead last. Your to-do list gets done. Your clients, partner, kids, and plants get love. But you? You get... crumbs. If that.
Here’s the truth: You can’t pour from an empty cup. Heck, you can’t even sip from it if it’s bone dry.
It’s time to make yourself a top priority—not in a vague “treat yourself” Instagrammable way, but in a real way. Let’s talk about how to reclaim your personal time like your sanity depends on it—because spoiler: it kind of does.
Tip #1: Schedule ‘Me Time’ Like a Doctor’s Appointment
We pencil in dentist visits, Zoom meetings, and oil changes like they’re sacred. But personal time? That gets squeezed into “maybe after everything else is done,” which is usually code for: never.
Therapeutically speaking, this is where CBT comes in. Our thoughts about time (“I don’t deserve to rest until everything is done”) directly affect our behaviors. So if you believe your worth is tied to productivity, guess what? You’ll never feel like you’ve earned personal time.
Change the thought → change the behavior.
Put your name on your calendar. Literally. Label it “Personal Time: Do Not Disturb Unless It’s a Zombie Apocalypse.”
Whether it’s 15 minutes or two hours, treat it like it matters. Because it does.
Tip #2: Try ‘Micro Self-Care’ for Busy Days
If you’re thinking, “I don’t have two hours to take a bubble bath and realign my chakras,” that’s fine. You don’t need a spa day. You need micro self-care: small, powerful actions that add up.
Try these:
3 deep breaths between tasks
A 5-minute walk without your phone
Drinking water like you actually care about your organs
Listening to your favorite song without multitasking
Saying “no” to that group chat you don’t even like
Emotion-Focused Therapy teaches us to acknowledge and regulate emotions in the moment. These micro-moments help you stay emotionally connected to yourself, without needing a silent retreat in the forest (though if that’s your thing, go off).
Tip #3: Say Goodbye to Guilt, Hello to Joy
Ah, guilt. The unwelcome side effect of doing anything for yourself. Guilt says, “Shouldn’t you be doing something more useful?” Joy says, “You’re allowed to feel good.”
Let’s be clear: Guilt is not a moral compass. It’s often just a leftover emotional reflex from being told you have to earn rest or happiness. If your inner critic pipes up when you’re resting, try this:
Pause and name the guilt (“Oh, there’s my ‘I should be working’ voice again.”)
Ask: Is this guilt actually serving me, or is it just a false alarm?
Replace it with truth: “Resting helps me be better, not lazier.”
In Ego States work, this means letting the Adult self reassure the Inner Critic that personal time doesn’t make you irresponsible, it makes you human.
Bonus Humor Break: Real-Life Personal Time Moments
Here’s what “personal time” actually looks like for some people:
Hiding in your car to eat a snack in peace
Watching TV with subtitles so you can hear yourself think
Declaring “I’m off the clock” at 8 PM and ignoring all texts until tomorrow (iconic)
Sitting on the floor staring at nothing for 8 minutes and calling it “mindfulness”
Guess what? All valid. Personal time isn’t about doing it right, it’s about doing it at all.
Conclusion: You’re Allowed to Take Up Space (and Time)
Let this be your permission slip: You are allowed to matter. Your needs are valid. Your well-being is not an afterthought.
Making yourself a priority doesn't require an entire lifestyle overhaul. It just means deciding, daily, to choose yourself in small ways. Start with five minutes. Then do it again tomorrow.
Because when you show up for yourself, you show up better for everyone else, too. Including your family.
